To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn’t pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country.

However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.

First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You’ve seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I’m sure; all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life.

However, what you don’t see is the back story.

I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn’t have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business — hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom’s for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the Goodwill store extracting any clothing item that didn’t look like it was birthed in the 70’s. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don’t. There is no “off” button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden — the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations… You never realize the back story and the sacrifices I’ve made.

Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn’t. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.

Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I’ve paid is steep and not without wounds.

Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don’t pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my “stimulus” check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country.

The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you’d quit and you wouldn’t work here. I mean, why should you? That’s nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.

Here is what many of you don’t understand … to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn’t need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don’t defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of Americaare the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.

So where am I going with all this?

It’s quite simple.

If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child’s future. Frankly, it isn’t my problem any more.

Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I’m done. I’m done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

If you lose your job, it won’t be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about….

Signed,

Your boss

“The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who
are willing to work and give to those who are not. ” - Thomas Jefferson

Now, I try to keep my cigar reviews fairly down to earth after reading my fellow cigar reviewers who romantically discuss the crisp, crunchy feel of the cellophane wrapper and how crinkling it reminds them of the crackle of the fire on a cold winter’s night in their estranged Grandfather’s hunting cabin.  This time though, I’ve got to admit, when I smoked this cigar I felt a little bit of Hemingway and Hawthorne creeping up on me but quickly suppressed those thoughts by throwing on “Your Wife is Cheatin’ On Us” by my blues favorite Little Milton and pouring a bit of Talisker into my empty rocks glass.

Punch has always been a very unconventional cigar producer.  Considering Punch advertises itself with a puppet named “Mr. Punch” who, according to Wikipedia, is a “child-murdering, wife-beating psychopath who commits appalling acts of violence and cruelty upon all those around him and escapes with impunity (which most notably, is greatly enjoyed by small children)”, the company has always prided itself on doing things well… a little different.  I knew after reading this little tidbit that I was in for a treat.

The first thing I noticed about the Punch Magnum Double Maduro was its deep chocolate brown color.  The rich Ecuadorian wrapper combined with the beautiful red and gold label makes this great cigar a regal treat for the eyes as well as the taste buds.  The reason for the cigar’s color is that the Magnum Double Maduro uses the darkest, most full-flavored Ecuadorian Sumatra wrapper available on the market. The filler, on the other hand, is a rich blend of Honduran, Nicaraguan and Dominican tobaccos making the cigar smooth with enough spiciness to keep your palate working overtime.

The draw on the Magnum Double Maduro is incredible.  If you so much as think about drawing through this wonderfully packed maze of Honduran deliciousness, smoke starts billowing out of the business end of this cigar.  It led me to believe that this black beauty might be poorly packed, but el contraire my stogie loving friends.  The Magnum had a beautiful silvery ash that desperately held on throughout this smoke like Richard Simons on a life raft full of cub-scouts.  An earthy taste prevails during the entire length of the Magnum with just hint of spiciness at the finish to keep you wanting more. 

The Punch Double Maduro gets top notch reviews this week and has re-sparked my interest in the Ecuadorian Sumatra broadleaf.  You can bet you’ll see more of these dark wrapper varieties throughout the new lines coming soon to the Red Snapper humidor.

Brand: Punch Cigars
Line: Magnum Maduro Maduro
Shape: Robusto
Origin: Honduran, Nicaraguan, Dominican, Equadorian (The United Nations of Cigars)
Wrapper: Ecuadorian Sumatra
Filler: Honduran, Nicaraguan, Dominican
Binder: Nicaragua
Flavor: Full
Strength: Medium-Full

My dire outlook on Brazil took a sharp left turn when I heard about the fertile green tobacco fields which happen to be a new threat against the lush Brazilian rainforests.  Although I’m all for protecting a rare native species of horned cockroach that craps out 16 pounds of wood pulp in a week, I figured what better way to morn the loss of this magnificent insect than a rich dark cigar I can enjoy on my back porch over the weekend.

When we first got this cigar in I was very impressed by the bold packaging CAO decided to dress up the Brazilia in.  The box itself appears as though a grasshopper mated with the Prince of Persia and bore delicious little babies lovingly wrapped up in a veiny chocolate brown package.  As most of our customers know, my 9-5 job is in advertising so needless to say I was as giddy as a diabetic at a Moon Pie & RC Cola fest (Which I found out actually exist after visiting my old man in the backwoods of Tennessee.)

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a richer cigar on the shelves of the Red Snapper.  Evidently those Brazilians have a few tricks up their sleeves.  Originally CAO was warned not to advertise that these leaves were of a Brazilian variety and I commend them for their bold choices throughout this wonderful cigar.  The idea of a cigar with a Brazilian broadleaf came about after the cigar boom of the mid-90’s when premium Brazilian leaf was about as rare as a mouthful of teeth at the Vestal Wal-Mart.  CAO found their answer in the beautiful dark wrapper leaf from the coveted Bahia region and the rest is cigar making history.  What followed was the rebirth of the Brazilian cigar in the states and a plethora of new brands launched around this remarkable, rich leaf.

Upon lighting the cigar I noticed it lit well and burned evenly throughout.  The light gray ash clued me in that there were good things to come from this little Brazilian beauty.  The Brazilia Lambada immediately gave off notes of a spiced coffee and become more subtle as the cigar burned.  About half way through I tasted more of a creamy coffee blend and a bit of chocolate to give it that extra kick.  By the time I got to the finish I was back to a spicy coffee with a hint of hickory.  I admit, I had to make one touch up light on the cigar but in its defense, I was distracted when I got into a heated argument with a customer regarding whether the FREE coffee I put out for customers was strong enough.  DID I MENTION IT’S FREE?  Sorry…

The Brazilia Lambada will definitely be a staple in the Red Snapper Humidor from now on and I highly recommend this cigar to any stogie lover with a palate for a rich, robust cigar with a twist.

-Nate

Brand: CAO Cigars
Line: Brazilia
Shape: Lambada
Origin: Nicaragua
Wrapper: Brazil
Filler: Nicaragua
Binder: Nicaragua
Flavor: Full
Strength: Medium-Full